Revenge is Sweet
by Aurora Lynn
Summary: What would happen if the Doctor went to a therapy session. A short one-shot that evolved into a chapter fic meant to be humorous. Enjoy and review, please!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I would like to thank **_**domina tempore **_**for inspiration for this story. I've been toying with the idea of having the Doctor go to a therapy session…and this is what turned out. Enjoy!**

** Disclaimer: I do not own the Doctor, nor will I ever own him. No matter how much I dream….**

Soft music played in the background, infuriating music that almost caused the Doctor to go insane. And considering what it took to cause the Doctor to go insane, this was a very great achievement indeed. He had been sitting here for over a half an hour, listening to that annoying speaker play tawdry music _over and over again_, waiting for an appointment that was supposed to be twenty minutes ago, and it made him want to SCREAM!

But, of course, he didn't scream, because that would cause more people to look at him and pay attention to him, which was the opposite of what he wanted. It was bad enough that Amy made him come to a therapy session, but the fact that she bailed at the last second made it worse. Now he was forced to face the therapist that Amy had bit when she was younger alone, and talk about his _feelings_. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

Suddenly the same song played again for the fiftieth time, and the Doctor had enough. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and, ignoring the consequences, sonicked the speaker. Within seconds it began to smoulder, and then ended up bursting up in a fit of sparks. Needless to say, there was no more music after that. He sighed with relief, yet the other people in the waiting room casted him strange looks.

Within minutes of destroying the source of music, the receptionist finally came in and announced the name "John Smith?" With that, the Doctor stood up slowly, still uncertain about his decision to come here.

"Yup, that's me," He said, as the poor receptionist saw the damage that his sonic screwdriver had done. By the look on her face, she looked like she was about to cry. "Oh, and I don't know what happened to that poor speaker. All of a sudden it sputtered up and died. What a pity." The Doctor had absolutely no sympathy for the speaker, or the receptionist for that matter. All he really wanted to do was get this appointment over with as quick and painless as possible. Though, considering this was therapy, that might not be possible.

"Anyway, will Miss…Miss Pond be with you today?" The way she said Amy's name echoed of fear, which made the Doctor wonder exactly what Amy did in therapy that was so horrible. The thought amused him that Amy, wonderful and spunky Amy, could instil such fear in someone.

"I'm sorry, but Amy could not make it today," He replied. "She was busy with other matters." _She probably chickened out, that's what_, he thought about saying, but decided not to. "You'll only have me to deal with today."

The fact that Amy would not be there today brought such relief to the receptionist, which made the Doctor almost burst out into laughter. "Very-very well. Ms. Valliani will see you now." With that she turned around to lead the Doctor to Ms. Valliani's office.

Before following her, the Doctor couldn't help but glance back at the place he left behind, as if he wasn't sure he would be coming back out alive. As he looked at the faces of those he left behind, he could almost be sure that they were giving him looks of pure pity.

The Doctor found himself a few minutes later in a position that he never thought he would find himself in; lying down on one of those therapist chairs. Yet he was, and he wasn't necessarily happy about his situation.

"Hullo, Mr. Smith," Ms. Valliani began in an alto voice, and somehow she made it sound like she was genuinely glad to see him, although he suspected that was not the case. "I just want to let you know, that anything and everything spoken here in this room is confidential. You can share anything with me, and I promise that I will not judge you. Remember, I am here to help you with your problems."

The Doctor wasn't listening to what the therapist had to say; his attention was entirely focused on her left hand, where there was a faded scar. A faded scar in the unmistakeable shape of a child's teeth, undoubtedly left by young Amy. It wasn't until after she had finished talking that he realized that he might want to pay attention. "Umm…right. Of course. So, what do you want me talk about?" He couldn't help but look at the clock, which read 3:32 and sigh. This was going to be a long hour.

"Well, Mr. Smith, most people who come into my office that are your age start talking about their sex life," Ms. Valliani said, as if it wasn't an uncomfortable subject to talk about. From the look on the Doctor's face, she continued hastily. "But you can start talking about your day. How was your day today?"

It took the Doctor a moment to think about what he was going to say before he said it, completely taken by surprise by the question. He was expecting Ms. Valliani to ask a question like 'Have you ever thought about killing yourself' or some stupid question like that. Not a question that was so…normal. "Well, so far my day has been OK. I've had great adventures with my friends, but to be honest with you…I'm not so thrilled to be here right now. No offence, I mean."

"None taken," Ms Valliani soothed, smiling a very disarming smile. "How does coming here make you feel? What about it makes you…uncomfortable?" She leaned forward and looked at him through her glasses in such a way that the Doctor had no choice but to answer her question.

"I don't know what about it I don't like," The Doctor began, standing up. Finally, something that he was good at; talking. "I just don't like talking about myself people—well, anyone really, much less strangers. It's like I'm worried that by telling people about myself I'm giving away a piece of myself…." He trailed off, at a loss for words to explain what he was feeling.

"I can tell that you're a self-contained man, Mr. Smith," She said, and started taking a few notes.

"Wait, wait, _wait_—" He said, stopping in his tracks. He was dismayed at the fact she was taking notes. "What are you doing? Why are you taking notes?"

Ms. Valliani looked back at the Doctor, calm as can be. "I'm just taking a few notes so I remember what we talk about, so I can bring some of it up at our next appointment."

"Hold on, I didn't say _anything_ about another appointment—"

"Honestly, Mr. Smith, you didn't think that any changes would happen, with just one appointment, do you?" She replied, calm. So infuriatingly calm.

"No, that's it, I'm leaving," The Doctor said suddenly, starting for the door. He was fed up with all this talking about _how he felt_ and _how did that make you feel_. Man, why did Amy hate him so much?

The therapist stood up and stood between him and the door. "You can't leave yet! Our appointment isn't over yet!"

"I don't give a damn about you and your stupid appointments," The Doctor growled. He just wanted to _leave_. "Man, why did Amy make me go to this place anyway?" He muttered to himself, thinking that the therapist couldn't hear him.

Unluckily for him, Ms. Valliani could hear him quite well. "Wait. Do you mean…." She paused for a second, then spoke the name quietly as if it would bring the devil. "…_Amy_, as in Amelia Pond?"

The Doctor smiled an evil smile, getting an idea. _Ooh, this is going to be fun,_ he thought before saying "Yes, I do mean Amy Pond."

The poor therapist looked like she was going to faint. "Does she…does she still believe in the raggedy Doctor?"

"Oh yes, yes she does," He replied instantly, finally having fun. "I've known her since she was a little kid, when she met the raggedy Doctor."

"Umm…Mr. Smith…you DO realize that the raggedy Doctor _doesn't_ exist…right?" Ms. Valliani said hesitantly, scared of the answer that she was going to receive.

"No, no, I'm afraid the raggedy Doctor _does_ exist," The Doctor said. "And I see why she bit you in the first place, telling people what does and does not exist." As soon as that was said, the therapist recoiled back as if physically struck. Or, in her case, physically bitten. "And I would have you know that _I'm_ the raggedy Doctor."

"But-but-but that's _impossible_!" Ms. Valliani protested, truly panicking now. "You _can't_ be the raggedy Doctor, because he _just. doesn't. exist_!"

"Ah," The Doctor replied, "But you know that's not true. You know, deep inside of you that I _do_ exist. And I don't appreciate you telling me otherwise.

Ms. Valliani looked truly shaken. "I'm-I'm sorry, Mr. Doctor, sir. I didn't mean to offend-I just thought-I didn't know that—!"

Before she finished her sentence, the Doctor walked out of the office and shut the door, laughing merrily.

_fin_


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I originally meant for this to be a one-shot, but thanks to my muse (and some lovely people on this site); I got inspiration to maybe make this a longer fan fiction. After-all, there was four different therapists that Amy bit, and there was always all those people who thought she was crazy. Anyway, as usual, I don't own the Doctor, Amy, or any names that are from Doctor Who. However, I DO own the therapists. The poor therapists. Also, I'm trying to use parenthesis for this fic, so if there is something in parenthesis that means it's the Doctor's thoughts. Anyway, enjoy and review!**

"No, Amy," The Doctor said, his arms folded across his chest. (Does she think I'm that stupid?) "You fooled me once, and you're not going to fool me again."

"But Doctor!" Amy protested. "Please? They called me insane, said you weren't real. Don't you think that they deserve to know that you really exist?" Her face was the mirror image of innocence (Oh no, there's going to be trouble coming soon).

"Do you know how much pain you put me through?" He said, and started walking away in the direction of his TARDIS (I've got to get away from this place as fast as I can). "I had to sit there for _twenty minutes_ just waiting for my appointment, listening to _horrible_ music." He chose to omit the part where he broke the speaker. (No need to tell her about that, is there?) "And when I finally got it to stop, they called me in for my appointment. And that lady, she was _terrible_. She was just like every other therapist in the universe; honestly, they're all the same. Asking pressing questions, acting as if they care about what you're saying, taking notes…she even asked about my love life! Who the hell does that?" (Why did Amy make me go through all of that anyway?)

At this point Amy could not contain herself any longer, and let out a laugh. (She _did_ put me through that to torture me.) "She asked about…" She managed to get out between laughs. (What's so funny about that?) "Your love life? What…what did you say?"

"I didn't say anything," The Doctor replied. (What did she think I was going to say?) "But that's not the point. I'm _not_ going through that again. I know you want to get back at these therapists, but if you want to do that, well, you can do it by yourself." (If she thinks I'm going to go through that torture, she can think again.) He continued to walk down the street.

"But wasn't it fun once you told her that you were the raggedy Doctor?" She insisted as only Amy could. (How does Rory live with it?) "Don't lie to me, Doctor. You were laughing when you came out of that office."

"Yeah, it was pretty enjoyable," The Doctor admitted, reliving the memory. ("_I'm-I'm sorry, Mr. Doctor, sir. I didn't mean to offend-I just thought-I didn't know that—!_") "But it wasn't enjoyable enough to make up for the _pure torture_ that I went through." (I need to walk to the TARDIS faster so I can distract her with something.)

"You're exaggerating," Amy replied, scoffing at him. "You men are so weak. You've faced aliens and monsters and terrors of every kind, yet a little therapist scares you so much." She then contorted her face into what was supposed to look like the Doctor's stern impression. (Is she sick or something?) She attempted to make her voice sound like the Doctor's, and only succeeded slightly. "'Oh, that lady was _so _scary! Asking questions, caring about what you're saying, taking notes…I'm so scared!'"

It took a few moments for the Doctor to realize that she was supposed to be imitating him. (Is that what I really sound like, or is she just mocking me?) "I'm not scared of her," He protested. (I'm not that weak!) "I just don't feel like going through all that again unless I have a really good reason."

"Well, what if I told you that there was a good reason?" Amy asked, now struggling to keep up because he was walking too fast. (Can't she get the message? I don't want to talk to her!)

"Really? Like what?" The Doctor replied, genuinely curious. (I'm probably going to end up paying for this.) "Cos if you can think of a good reason to go to _another_ one of those horrible places, I would like to know."

Amy paused for a moment, as if trying to figure out how to put what she was about to say. (Oh no. This can't be good. She never thinks about what she's going to say before she says it.) "What if I told you the only way to get your TARDIS back was to help me?"

(What? No, that isn't possible, she couldn't have stolen my TARDIS. Could she? No, of course not. She's just bluffing.) "Ha, like I'm supposed to believe that. You and Rory can't pilot the TARDIS. I never taught you." (Speaking of the TARDIS, where is it? I could have sworn I put it right there…)

"You never taught us, yeah," Amy agreed carefully. "But you _did_ teach someone else that we both know…"

(No. It can't be, River couldn't have helped them, _why_ would she help them?) The Doctor's expression darkened. "You mean River helped you? She couldn't—wouldn't—do something like that." (Come on, TARDIS, where are you? I really need you to be here right now.)

"River could, and would, help us." Amy replied firmly. (I'm so going to kill the both of them when I get the chance.) "So you have no choice but help us, don't you?"

"Not so fast," The Doctor said, reaching into his pocket for something. (Come on key, where are you? I need you right now…) "I can just use my key to find where you put my TARDIS…"

"You mean, this key?" She said, dangling a key in front of his face. It was his TARDIS key. (Oh no, oh no, that was my only escape). "You don't have another one, do you?" (You're so evil, Amy. If only you know how torturous that appointment was.)

"How the hell did you get that?" He demanded. (She really wants to get revenge on those therapists, doesn't she?)

"I have my ways, Doctor," She said mysteriously. "Now, are you going to help me, or are you going to keep your mouth hanging wide open like an idiot?" The Doctor immediately shut his mouth. (Great, I guess I have no choice now…how the hell did she get that key?)

The Doctor sighed deeply. "I guess I have no choice but to help you. But I kind of need my TARDIS to get to this therapist…" (Hopefully she'll fall for this…)

"Oh no you don't," Amy said quickly. "Just because I'm human doesn't mean that I'm stupid. I've written the address down; you'll have to walk." (What? She's making me walk there? Maybe the therapists were right; maybe she _is_ insane!) "Don't give me that look. It's not that far, and you have legs, don't you?"

(I hate her so much right now.) "Can't you drive me or something?" The Doctor complained, awfully like a small child who didn't get his way.

"Stop complaining. You can get a taxi if you're that desperate for a ride," She said, and looked at her watch. (But I don't have any money for a taxi!) "Where is she? I told her to be here at this time…"

(What?) "Who are you talking about?"

Before Amy could reply, a familiar whooshing sound was heard. (Good, the TARDIS came back for me. I knew I could rely on her.) "Yup, there she is!" Amy replied cheerfully. Once the TARDIS fully materialized, a woman stepped out of it.

"Hello, sweetie," River said with a grin. She looked at him and Amy and said "I see that Amy has explained the situation to you? Good. I'll pick you up at the therapist's office in, say, two hours. Have fun!" She was about to go back into the TARDIS when the Doctor stopped her. (How could she think that she has the right to do that? It's _my_ TARDIS!)

"You can't do this!" (I'm going to get back at her. I'll get back at both of them.)

"Yes, yes I can." River said with a grin. (Why did I ever teach her how to control my TARDIS?) "And I am. So have fun at the therapist's office, sweetie!" Amy thrust a piece of paper into the Doctor's hand and ran into the TARDIS. Before the Doctor could react, Amy ran into the TARDIS. The door closed behind her, and in seconds the TARDIS was gone.

All the Doctor could do was stand there, gaping in awe.

(I'm so going to kill them for this.)


End file.
